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Announcing PLSQL.js, a Javascript Framework Hiding Squiggles Behind PL/SQL APIs

[April Fools Joke]

 Today, the Oracle Database Developer Advocates team announces the release of PLSQL.js, a PL/SQL framework for JavaScript developers, delivering all the power and flexibility of JavaScript though simple, declarative APIs written in the best database programming language in the world.

 “The first key advantage to PLSQL.js is that you don’t have to write those little squiggle thingies,” notes Steven Feuerstein, well-known author and trainer on Oracle PL/SQL, who designed the bulk of PLSQL.js. “We really didn’t see the point. Why not use regular English words and the kind of punctuation everybody was already used to, like underscores and dots? Why do we always have to change things?”

 Oracle’s Chief Healthification Officer, Jean Frutesandveggies, adds that PLSQL.js is also an attempt to help young application developers deal with a growing epidemic of Javascript Fatigue.

 "While PLSQL.js appears to be yet-another-framework that just compounds the problem," explains Feuerstein, "it's really not. PLSQL.js is, in fact, the JS framework to end all JS frameworks. Definitively. Until version 2 comes out, that is, which will be a complete rewrite. Maybe using TypeScript."

 “Writing code,” points out Frutesandveggies, “is very hard and stressful work. It doesn’t help to write in a language like JavaScript, in which developers are expected to constantly change their frameworks, tools, and general outlook on life. The bottom line? When you have to React to Yeoman who Plop and Babel from an overly Angular point of view, well, you are bound to Relay into Motorcycle trouble. Sure, you can take aspirin for the ensuing headache, but we recommend, instead, that you simply switch once and for all to PLSQL.js.”

 PLSQL.js will be released as open source under the MYOB (Mind Your Own Business) license on GritHub. Users will be allowed to pull but not push, and never commit, to ensure that the framework remains stable and free of squiggles.

Comments

  1. MarcusApril 1, 2016 at 5:08 AM

    That's what I've been waiting for. One language to rule them all :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Steven FeuersteinApril 1, 2016 at 5:12 AM

    Then your wish has finally come true. That wish for me came true in 1995, when I published my first book on PL/SQL. From that point on, one language ruled the world - if you define the world as the portion of it with which I intersected. It's all a matter of scope and relativity. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. سليم هليّÙ„April 1, 2016 at 10:50 AM

    Lol :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. KarenApril 1, 2016 at 7:01 PM

    Love it :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. JaredPrebApril 3, 2016 at 3:43 AM

    where is it?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Steven FeuersteinApril 3, 2016 at 5:03 AM

    Hmmm. Well, I do offer a link to the PLSQL.js repo, but it is empty. That's because....this is an April Fool's joke!

    ReplyDelete
  7. AdelzApril 6, 2016 at 1:54 AM

    Jean Frutesandveggies... hahaha well done

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousSeptember 21, 2017 at 2:18 AM

    Why a joke Steve? :)
    http://www.oracle.com/technetwork/database/database-technologies/scripting-languages/node_js/index.html

    ReplyDelete
  9. xucaenDecember 19, 2017 at 3:10 PM

    The link to the plsql.js is empty. Was this project scrapped or did it move?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Steven FeuersteinDecember 19, 2017 at 4:24 PM

      Sorry we are working hard resurrecting that link using Flashback Query. :-)

      Delete
  10. xucaenDecember 19, 2017 at 3:16 PM

    son of b*****. april fools. You got me. :/ :p

    ReplyDelete

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