Simultaneously, Oracle Corporation announced that PL/SQL would now compile and run on MongoDB, Cassandra, VoltDB (as well as the other 256 database products Michael Stonebreaker has helped establish over the last several decades) and, in recognition of the primacy of business analysts the world over, Microsoft Excel.
Bryn Llewellyn, Senior Distracted PL/SQL Product Manager, could not suppress his excitement over these developments: "For years, I've had to content myself with answering questions just from Oracle technologists. Now I can spend all day and all night long answering questions from another 10,000,000 developers. Thanks, Oracle, for making my day."
Steven Feuerstein, TMWKOP (The Man Who Knows Only PL/SQL), was unaccountably glum. He told the San Francisco Chronicle in an interview for this breaking story that "I was perfectly happy with the status quo. We had our tight little community, everyone knew who I was. I felt special. Now? Now we're just one more open source project that everyone can play with and criticize. What's so great about that?"
For more information, visit www.oracle.com/plsql.
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